This is a busy time of year for everyone. You can see in their faces as they scurry about from point to point with a list in their hand of things they hope not to forget. I stopped by a friend's house to drop off a mixer she wanted to borrow and she was in a complete frenzy over making candy for the holidays. Seriously, she was moving and talking at the speed of light, dashing about like the house was on fire. I asked why...she didn't know. We sat down to visit for a bit and her breathing slowed to normal, her voice lost the manic pitch and we had the best visit we've had in years! We talked about why she felt such stress over making candy...I might point out that she already had several kinds made and was a week away from leaving on the trip to see the family she was making candy for. She's retired...no time hindrance there, no kids at home needing her time and attention...nothing apparent to cause such panic about making candy at all.
The sad part to me was that she was so stressed, she was getting no joy from making all the goodies to share with family on the trip. She used to love holiday baking. What happened? She'd already hired me to bake her pies and cake to help her out. She wanted to make cookies to take, too. Yesterday, she mixed all the various cookie doughs, today she bakes those. She has 5 more days before they leave on the trip. Why the panic?
Listening to her talk, I discovered she was trying to make sure she did all her usual stuff AND the things her mother used to make for the gatherings. A nephew asked last year where a certain candy was that he wanted...her mother used to make that candy but she's with Jesus now. My friend felt the self-imposed pressure of filling her mother's shoes. She didn't say all that, I just put the pieces together from her conversation. She was driving herself to distraction to carry on a family tradition no one asked her carry.
I'm all for traditions, I tried to give my kids family traditions to look back on. I made a special gingerbread, timed to be in the oven filling the house with its aroma while the kids were finding what Santa brought. What could smell better? Then, after all the gifts were opened, we would sit down to a Christmas breakfast of quiche, gingerbread and sparkling white grape juice in wine glasses. A kid friendly bubbly for the special occasion. Now, one daughter makes the Christmas Morning Gingerbread I made, tho not early Christmas morning but they have it Christmas day and the other daughter makes quiche for her family. They've tweaked my traditions to become their own.
I guess the key is finding what works for you without making you nuts! I enjoy cooking, so listening to my kids laugh and play as I made our Christmas breakfast was a joy to me. I didn't spend all my time in the kitchen, I hung out with the kids while things were in the oven, so I didn't have the pressure or mentality of slaving away while everyone else had fun. Memories of those days still warm my heart and the kid's laughter still rings in my hears. My friend will not look back on this holiday baking and candy making with joy, she'll remember the stress, that is NOT a good memory. She will have one funny memory to recall. In her 'hurry, hurry' mode she knocked over a full open bottle of peppermint extract and did not realize it till later. She called me laughing to say her entire house smelled like a giant peppermint stick!
In our quest to live a more simple life, Friends, we need to declutter all the things that stress us and steal our joy. NO, that does not mean you declutter your spouse and kids...just the busy work that isn't going to be remembered later as joyful. A happy and relaxed parent/spouse/companion is a far better gift to your family than a plate of anything you might slave over! KISS, KISS...Keep It Simple, Silly!
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